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Not sure I’m ready for this…

Tomorrow my partner returns to work after 2 weeks of paternity leave plus a couple of day’s holiday. My eldest child is 12 years old and will be at school all day, this can either been seen as a blessing (one less child to give attention to) or a shame as he won’t be around to help out! The next child down is my 21 month old toddler who has discovered the joys of temper tantrums. And then there’s the baby, he will be 18 days old tomorrow.

The big age gap between my first two children meant that I never had concerns about how I would manage on my own. My eldest was at school and when he did get home he was capable of fixing himself a snack and keeping himself occupied (especially as I’m pretty sure he owns all the Lego in the world).

This time I do not have that luxury. I know people do this all the time but I am worried. In fact I’m terrified. I worry that my toddler will get into things he shouldn’t, that they’ll both demand my attention at the same time and I won’t have the patience to deal with both of them, I worry that the baby will want feeding and carrying around constantly and I won’t be able to give enough attention to my toddler, I worry about post natal depression, the list goes on…

My partner has been fantastic these past couple of weeks. I mean really fantastic, he has done everything for the boys and around the house. The house has been tidy and clean. He’s done the shopping and cooked the dinners. He’s played with our toddler and somehow managed to find time to give attention to our teenage-wannabe. He’s got up at 5.45am with the toddler who refuses to sleep any later allowing me to stay in bed with the baby, and then he has brought me tea and toast in bed at a more sensible time. He’s done all the washing so the basket has never been overflowing, he hangs it on the line and then brings it in and folds it. He has made me endless cups of tea. He is fantastic and I love him so much and desperately want him to stay at home with me forever.

Tomorrow reality kicks back in, he is returning to work. Just writing that sentence makes my eyes well up. He is currently sitting across the room from me looking gorgeous with a baby asleep on his chest and I am full of love for him.

I am going to try and get myself prepared and I will try and be a bit organised so that it’s as easy as it can be. We’ll see how the week goes, I’ll keep you updated as to whether I’m a gibbering mess by the end of the week.

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