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Feeling Heavy

There’s a heavy feeling in the centre of my chest. It’s not been around for a while, I normally know when it’s coming, but this time it’s snuck on me. Suddenly it was there, one day I was feeling OK and the next there’s an enormous weight. I can’t move for it’s weight. Getting up and leaving the house feels impossible, the weight is too heavy for me to move.

Washing, cleaning, cooking, tidying. They all feel too much. The weight is in the way.

Keeping up with friends is hard, the weight stops me picking up the phone. I’m too scared to tell them about the weight in case they dismiss it, that they don’t believe it’s there and expect me to lift it on my own.

Everything feels out of my control and carrying the weight makes me feel too tired to take the control back.

Then we heard we have to move house and I just don’t want to. We found a new place to live straight away, it’s a new area of Sheffield for us, the house is great and has a wonderful garden but still, I don’t want to move. I find myself waking in the night then lying their worrying about moving. Then I worry about the boys. I worry about something happening to one of them. I worry about something happening to Gareth. The weight gets heavier and I can barely breathe.

Every so often I end up crying and it always comes back to not wanting to move. I’m pretty sure once we’re in it will be fine, but at the moment I just keep thinking “I don’t want to move”. This is our home and I hate the thought of anyone else living in it.

Having said all of this I am working really hard to lift the weight off me, I know if I let it take over the road back is going to be really tough. I am trying to do things every day that challenge me, going out, making a phone call, seeing friends… I feel proud of these small achievements because at the moment they feel like huge ones.

One day I will wake up and the weight will be gone, until then I will try to keep talking and to keep posting here, I know it helps.

7 Responses

Sarah MumofThree World
Sarah MumofThree World March 12, 2014 at 7:09 am · Reply →
Moving house is hard work and stressful. Having done it myself recently (twice) I can say that with absolute conviction. No wonder you’re feeling the weight. Good that you’re challenging it and not giving in. Hopefully it will be lifted once you’re moved and settled.

BigFashionista
BigFashionista March 12, 2014 at 8:28 am · Reply →
I get you, I hear what you are saying, I think you will be surprised at how many people feel the same way you do.

Your home has been your sanctuary, where you have been kept safe over the years, especially when it’s been traumatic lately.

I could tell you that it will pass and once you move you will feel the positive energy in a new place, with a fresh start. But you know that already.

Instead all I will say is, if you feel heavy, feel a if it is all getting too much. Drop me an email, a DM, and I will happily rub your back and tell you it will be ok.

Samantha Bourne
Samantha Bourne March 12, 2014 at 8:50 am · Reply →
It’s a good idea to keep writing & sharing. It’s not surprising you feel like this – upheaval like this is such a trigger. And the laying awake makes for a very tired mummy too 🙁 Small steps & sending you lots of love xxx

Hannah
Hannah March 12, 2014 at 8:57 am · Reply →
Sending love xx

Joanna Henley
Joanna Henley March 12, 2014 at 9:31 am · Reply →
Its times like this I wish I lived closer, just to give you some support. I understand the weight. Do keep writing, don’t fall into the trap of thinking no one cares. I may not be there in the physical sense, but like many others, I am always right here xxxx

Tracy (@C0dfanglers)
Tracy (@C0dfanglers) March 12, 2014 at 9:39 am · Reply →
The unknown causes anxiety and by the sound of it, your anxiety is rooted in the move and it’s understandable.

I seriously worried about whether moving further up North would work but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.

A house move is a big deal, on top of the fact that Arthur is so young – it’s inevitable that you will feel the way you do. It’ll pass. Keep blogging and keep talking your way through it. We’ll be here for you. x

Stella Branch
Stella Branch March 12, 2014 at 10:41 am · Reply →
They do say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, and you didn’t have any control over the decision, it was thrust upon you. You found a new house very quickly, so I’m sure it’ll be ok. Remember, everything that makes your home – your family, your possessions – will still be there wherever you move to. It’s only the location that will change. Who knows, it may be even better when you get there.

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